Hamster On A Wheel

Life has become monotonous. I feel like a robot....a hamster on a wheel. What is it that I am after? Is it success? Money? A desire to lead a life full of material comforts? There seems to be a vacuum and I am not able to comprehend this feeling. Is it a set of self set expectations? A need to prove myself? But to whom? Why am I so hard on myself? I wish I had the courage to abandon this path and start walking on a new path...A path that will lead me closer to what appeals to me, something that fuels the fire in my soul. Everyday I think I must take the first step and then it is fear that stops me. I await the day when I will finally have the courage, to let go and start afresh. 

Feelings

Sat down thinking....a wave of uncertainty....tainted future....unrealistic expectations.....battle with the self....fiery ambition....unbearable envy....shameful...shameful...shameful.

Cuppa Tea

A cuppa tea always helps me relax. The day that i have copious amounts of tea is an indication of me being very stressed (apart from snapping of course!). Today was one such day.

I was thrown in the deep end and had to swim....and swim I did! I pride myself in adapting easily to new environments (haan chal, I am not speaking of the Arctic but managing frosty smiles and sarcasm comes a close second). I have to admit that dealing with people in a friendly manner has been a learnt behaviour. This is the main reason as to why I abhor socialising after work.  It tires me out and this is when I miss my dog the most. I have grown up with pets and not having one now is really hard. It has been more than 5 years now since I left home but that vacuum still remains. Sometimes, when I share this thought out aloud, I hear responses like...Oh well, you should just have a baby. This is infuriating to say the least. To think that this can in fact be some sort of consolation. Never mind.

On a more upbeat note, I do hope to enjoy the weekend. The plan is to sleep, read and...study for my driving theory test. Yes, you heard right! For the record, these tests are very boring especially if like me you have spent all your time in the car fast asleep! I will leave you with that thought..

Professional Rant

Human behaviour has always been of interest to me and being in HR makes me privy to a lot of behaviour which I find extremely amusing these days. There was a time when I used to stress and worry about dealing with people but I find myself to be more of an observer now.

It is amazing the amount of drama people create about minuscule issues and us HR folk are still expected to deal with the drama under the garb of appearing 'reasonable'. So..you worked through your lunch break and demand that you leave one hour early? Tough! Nobody asked you to work through lunch. This is just one of the many crazy examples that I can 'legally' talk about (Hadhh hai yaar!)

I wish sometimes people were able to put things into perspective but sadly, all they think of is themselves. It is a selfish world and there are very few genuine people out there. I have become extremely suspicious when dealing with people and I always think about underlying motives. I guess, life has been a tough teacher but an effective one at that.

*End of rant..Lungi Dance, Lungi Dance*

Perception

I stumbled upon this poem that I had penned down some years ago...It's so relevant whenever I read it so I thought I'd share it with others too!

PERCEPTION

At times you feel so stifled,

Like you’re put into a cage,

You want to break this wave of strain,

You’re seething with venomous rage…

Situations, they will be trying,

It’s up to you how you respond,

Would you perceive still water

As a distressing flood or would

It be a soothing pond?

No one will hurt you,

If you don’t want them to,

The power to choose lies with you,

You can paint on life’s canvas,

A lighter shade,

Or smudge it with a darker hue….

And I'm back (again!)

Wow! It's been almost 4 years since I felt this sense of urgency to write again and thought "why not revive my blog?". I just read a few of my posts from 2010 and the first thing that came to mind is..."so refreshing". I say refreshing because it gave me a glimpse into my life at the time...I guess that is the wonderful thing about blogs, they help you take a short walk down memory lane.

Life has changed! I am no longer struggling to find my feet in a new country, marriage and work...I can say that the learning curve has been quite significant and I feel a sense of accomplishment. However, there is lots more to learn and do! With a new job and challenges, life continues to keep me occupied.

I do hope I motivate myself enough to post more often. Blogging has always been a wonderful medium to let my thoughts be heard through my favourite medium of communication...writing :) 

Of this and that

Wow! Its almost a month since my last post! Is this an indication of routine catching up on me? (eeeks!!). I hope to be more regular now! So let me think about whats new...Well, for starters I celebrated Indian independence day on British soil..saw the Indian flag unfurl...was a surreal experience with a myriad of emotions running through me...Expressing these feelings in words would serve to undermine them...so I'll leave it at that.

Work is getting on good and I am learning lots of things on the job. Sure is great to be busy now! The weather is all rainy now...hoping that the weekend is not overcome with cloud and rain! Looking forward to a 3 day weekend owing to the bank holiday here! I am so sure that trains will be empty tomorrow (people may just call in sick to make it a 4 day weekend! ;))

I recently joined a council library near my house and I am sooooo glad that I did. One can borrow 10 books at a time! haha! Its like a mini heaven for me. A mug of hot chocolate and a nice book....perfect evenings! :)

Thats all at the moment...hope to post again very soon! Until then...have a great weekend!! cheers!

Vindictive Ways

This is my entry to the Indiblogger's How would you handle it if your partner’s EX wants him or her back? Soch Lo! Contest (The temptation to win a Blackberry had nothing to do with this post ;) )

Coming to the point...my partner doesn't have an ex (or so he says :P) Ok..ok..I will not be mean right in the beginning. So this post is even more hypothetical as I have to imagine a vindictive and vampish "sautan". Lets call her Vixen ;) Here are some of the things I would do if she wanted him back...


- Text her secretly from my partner's cellphone to see her level of desperation. I need to know the type of Vixen I am dealing with na...Despo, Super Despo or Super Super Despo. Ek baar uski nabz pakad lu, phir dekh loongi!

- Make Vixen do all my laundry, dishes, hoovering and other chores and make her aware that life isn't all rosy and " they lived happily ever after" types!

- Ask to meet Vixen in a crowded place like a mall or coffee shop, slap her in public
and say it was part of Candid Camera (repeatedly point in one direction saying "arre you can't see the camera or what?" this will hopefully make her run away in shock...of both the slap and being slapped by me ;))

- Ask her saamne se and speak confidently "Oye you don't have a life kya? Chal patli gali se nikal"

- Ask my MIL to call Vixen up and rant about "Kyun mere bete ka ghar ujaad rahi ho?" in full saas-bahu soap style!

- Tell Vixen "Madame, the adage of 'better late than never' does NOT apply to this relationship" If she gives me a dirty look, I'll throw her on the ground and say "it applies to this though ;)"

- Update my status on Facebook making Vixen's evil intentions public! The comments should do the trick! (Yes, Vixen will be on my 'friends' list albeit on limited profile...like obviously!)

- Call one of my male friends to line maro on Vixen...make her fall for him etc and then one of my bestest girlfriends will enter the blossoming love story as his ex and get obsessively involved! Fulltoo filmy! Give Vixen a taste of her own medicine! ;)

- Finally....I'll tell her "Kutti...Kamini....main tera khoon ABHI nahi piioongi...kyunki picture toh abhi baaki hai meri saut ;)" This will be followed by all the points of action mentioned above

P.S. My husband is one lucky fella don't you think...such a scheming wife he's got! Soch Lo ;)

Last Day of July

July 31st?! Already? Sigh...this year is flying by too fast...Actually, I have been feeling like this only in the last couple of months...Just after a few months (4 to be precise) will be Christmas! :) Looking forward to the good food and festivities! Not that I don't try getting good food everyday par kehne ki baat hai ;)

Now I feel like taking a short trip somewhere...will probably plan a weekend out soon before the weather becomes all cold and windy! Sooo many places to explore here in the UK and I haven't actually started doing so! About time I say!

Work is getting ahead full steam now that employees have started misbehaving and that means organizing loads of disciplinary sessions for them...in short a crazy workload! If only people behaved themselves....sigh...But then....the policemen/women and lawyers would be jobless and so would I ;) haha!

I'm off now to enjoy the weekend and rejuvenate myself for the week ahead..I know its going to be a crazy one! Indeed!

Brother & Bozo :)

Whats new? Well, I finished one month at work and four months of marriage! So far soo good I say! :) Also, lil bro left so all sad now...Most sisters who have lil bros will agree with me when I say that when lil bros are around they try and bug you, provoke you etc etc and you get mad but when they are not around you miss them terribly! I will always remember this visit of his...was a lot of fun and I re-lived old times. Just after he left, all the time that we spent together as kids and then as adolescents came rushing back to me...The bonding is as strong as it was and I am grateful for that! Theres a level of comfort shared by siblings that even best friends cannot replace..you don't have to think twice before you speak...actually, you don't even have to speak! Ahh now I am all senti! Speaking of which, I have another reason to be so as its my doggie's birthday tomorrow and for the first time I won't be around to shower him with love and pamper him with treats! Just want to wish him a very Happy Birthday :) Heres wishing he that he continues to brighten our lives for a looong time!! Love you Bozo :)

Lunch breaks!

Lunch breaks are always fascinating when you are working in London's West end! Window shopping is a great stress buster in the midst of a manic work day! Right from high end retailers to street markets you have it all! Just this afternoon I spent my lunch break browsing through an iota of a 5 storied book store! It was wonderful indeed!

If shopping isn't your thing theres food! Restaurants are aplenty and again range from McDonalds and KFC to local pubs to fine dining! If you don't feel like going to a restaurant or eatery theres always the local supermarket which stocks loads of food and is a good option when you are trying to cut spending on lunch!

If food doesn't fascinate you either you can take a walk down Trafalgar Square or even visit the South Bank watching the beautiful views by the bank of the Thames whilst munching on a sandwich maybe :)

I still have so many new places to check out around my office! All so exciting! I now believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel; every cloud has a silver lining; the game isn't over until the final whistle is blown and most importantly...it all works out in the end, if it hasn't its not the end! Cheers :)

Ramblings...

I'm back again! Hardly got to pen down my thoughts these last few days...Lil bro is in town :) Its fun having him around! I miss taking him around London during the week though cos of work....Anyway I am making the most of the time with him! Missing the rest of my family! Looking forward to their visit soon!

I am now a 'city worker' and enjoying this new found financial freedom! I don't have to think ten times before spending the moolah now! Feels so good! yeah! :) Also, I am loving the responsibility, the decision making power and the contribution that I need to make to the organisation on a daily basis..I am also loving the countdown to the weekend and realise now the significance of the weekend! Planning for stuff to do over the weekend is ever so exciting especially in a city like London!

Nothing much happening apart from work and spending time with bro! I can't believe he is actually eating my 'haath ka khana'. Feels like just yesterday when we used to fight over silly things in our home in Bandra....miss those times...sweet memories indeed!

Fresh start!

I have news!! I bagged a full time job (not the crazy interview process one, still awaiting results on that!). I feel so rewarded to get a job in this crazy economy...months of effort have finally paid off! Independence is mine again! Yoohooo!! Its taking me a while to get used to the working routine especially because I wasn't working full time since the past two years! It feels great to be back in the world of work! It pays heed to my extreme need of achievement! At times I feel that I am too hard on myself but hey it paid off! Those loooong application forms, justifications as to why I am the best for a given job, what I will bring to it etc etc...Now I am on the other side of the table at interviews! I ask the questions and I decide whom to hire! That is sweet victory indeed!

In this post I would like to take the opportunity to thank my parents. First Dad - He has been this constant source of support and encouragement without which I would have been broken. My usual morning chat with him helped me persevere through the day.Even on the bleakest of days he made me smile and reminded me about all my blessings. He listened to my woes and anxieties with a calm only wisdom brings to one. He was this bundle of positive energy and that energy somehow helped me survive unemployment.
Now about Mum - My Mum was always there - listening, cheering me up and providing encouragement like only a mother can do. Just speaking to her every evening soothed me and filled me with renewed zest to tackle another day. I am indeed thankful to God for giving me such wonderful parents! Love u both :)

Quite Ad-hoc!

A quick follow up on my previous post..I have made it to the final recruitment stage of the interview for which I landed up late...(thank God!). Its the fourth and final stage and from what I have heard the toughest! Its one whole day of various sorts of assessments from e-tray exercises to group discussions to presentations for senior management AND an interview (phew! good luck to me for that eh?!)

About today...its a day of relaxation for me! I may go out and do some window shopping (thats if the weather improves ...its been raining since morning!). I also plan to catch up on the different blogs I've been following...some are so good that I enjoy almost every post! Kudos to all 'em good bloggers out there (yeah including u if you are lucky! haha!)

I can feel this post being very ad-hoc...maybe that is because of my state of mind today...its so random but I will still continue! I am thinking of writing about the pseudo football fans in a post soon enough...about how during the world cup, EPL or any other football tournament of significant importance, they suddenly show a great interest in the game and sometimes embarrass themselves with the statements they make! As a psychologist I am interested in analysing this sort of behaviour and will definitely do so in an upcoming post! I'm off now to observe and analyse...(not to forget criticize! hehe)

Have a great weekend! :)

2 interviews, 1 day!

Oh whatteee day!! Hopefully dinner comprising of veg biryani and dahi will make it all ok :) Had two crazy interviews today...the first one I call crazy cos it was in some godforsaken place with the closest tube station shut and owing to my stupidity and frayed nerves I got into a wrong bus (which took me in the exact opposite direction of my destination!) I'm sure the person who nazar lagaoed me solid was laughing...just u wait mean person...just u! :P So I reached late and they were kind enough to still interview me. If you know me well you will know how much I value punctuality..I'm the sort of person who turns up ten minutes prior to an appointment and someone whom you don't want as your boss (I don't know why I made that statement..hmmmm). As the weather God of London decided to play around with the weather which by the way is his usual pastime...it rained!! (at the exact time when I had to be walking on the road) BUT...I was prepared with my umbrella..I fought his cruelty! haha! About my second interview...I think they somehow got to know that I reached late for my first one so they made me wait for like half an hour past the scheduled time (Karma? No..Balance? Maybe...Murphy's law?...Definitely!) When I was late the interviewer was on time when I was on time the interviewer was late!
As I enjoy now my comfort food I look forward to another day, hopefully with more equanimity!

Pasta Soup

I tried out this soup recipe today courtesy my good friend and its so yummy and healthy that its a meal by itself! Heres what you will need! You can add any vegetables of your choice and even chicken (I didn't have any so made do with the veggies). Heres what you will need:

For the soup:
Pasta
Tomato Puree
Mushroom
Courgettes/Zucchini
Carrot
French beans
Oninos
Oil
For the seasoning:
Salt
Pepper
Basil/Oregano
Paprika

Fry the chopped onions in a little oil. Add the pasta and tomato puree and cook for a couple of minutes. Now add all the veggies and pour in as much water as you like as this will determine the amount of soup you actually dish out! Add the seasoning and bring to boil or until all the veggies and pasta are cooked!

This recipe is definitely for keeps and will be a regular feature in my menu :)

In days gone by..

Its been a while since my last post...Ah well I didn't have anything constructive to write about..was busy dealing with life haha! No seriously...was contemplating in my head and didn't express it in the written form..Not much has changed since my last post except that I have now found a free lancing job as a Training officer! yay! These UK folk are quite apprehensive about hiring 'outsiders' (I think) and their concept of diversity is totally warped! Hire a UK born & bred minority group member and voila! you have a diverse organisation..NOT! I am slowly moving towards my goal and will not tire unless I get there! Beware!

My hubby's birthday is around the corner and being the first birthday after marriage and all I am planning to be nice and make some of his fav food (read Bhel!)...Groceries for that are on my next shopping list! Quite excited about the whole thing! And no no I am not thaaat nice also...just bhel se kaam nahi chalega so a nice dinner in a restaurant has to be done! (Yeah I am proactive and will make it happen!)

Thats an update from me for now...have to head back to the kitchen to wash vessels....it always adds a finality to the day and I automatically start yawning...yawwwn!! :)

Of Victory

Fatigue threatens to take over,
Tears sting the eyes,
You’ve done what you had to,
But it’s still not recognised..

The road is now uphill,
The climb a painful task,
The goal to reach the mountain top,
How much further you ask....

Carry on, there’s no stopping you,
The song of conquest is sweet...
Once you reach that coveted top
You’ll have the world beneath your feet...

And then you’ll laugh and scream aloud
Tears of joy you’ll see..
You will then realise,
It was worth it..this victory...

Persevere...

The following was written when I was trying to comprehend a certain situation in life

A long road with difficult paths,
Energy my only friend...
Self belief a mockery
With tests at every bend....

Persevere I must,
I have to come through this,
My goal may seem distant at first...
I want to win, to prove myself,
It’s just an unquenched thirst....

This fabric of life is woven ,
With a blend of different thread,
Some maybe smooth and others rough
But a fabric it is, at the end....

An Ode

I'm in a solemn mood today...this made me write these lines...

An ode to my man...

I cherish every moment I am with you,
Sweet memories gush into my mind...
I think about u all the time,
Of all the good times we left behind...

Togetherness has now become,
A bond that will not perish...
I dream now of our tomorrow
Of moments I don’t want to finish...

Being with you, I am more myself,
On my face there appears a glow....
I love u dear ever so much,
Maybe u will never know....