Missing Bozo....

I'm sitting at my study table, dressed in clothes that mismatch totally and oil in my hair. I am so comfortable in this state that it brings upon my face, a smile.. I try and drown the uncertainties that plunge into the depths of my mind so effortlessly...especially when I am not occupied. I have learnt to combat these thoughts now..a small achievement I am proud of! I have stopped thinking aloud about the little things that seem to distress me but seem so trivial to others. I believe its best that way since nobody will truly understand what I feel so its better I keep it inside me. I don't believe in the "sharing your worries" funda...just seems like faff to me! I mean, why worry someone else with what is bothering you...This is when I miss my dog the most since he just listens and is not compelled to give me some "gyan" that he learnt through experience. Just looking at him gives me solace, a strange comfort that I cannot articulate...His eyes seem to convey to me that he understands what I am feeling and that I needn't explain to him anything. I don't need to justify anything to him....about why I did or didn't do something,about why I feel the way I do....Its been four months exactly today since I last held him...played with him and looked into those deep brown eyes...those same eyes that looked at me when I picked him from the street...those same eyes that expressed terror at the vet's....those same eyes that made it difficult for me to say goodbye.....
I don't know what he thinks about me now....does he know that I still miss him everyday? that I sent him dog food all the way from London? that I call out to him everyday and pray that he remembers me?? The bond I share with him cannot be explained in words...I guess you need to have a dog of your own to come close to understand what I am saying and feeling at this very moment....