Hamster On A Wheel

Life has become monotonous. I feel like a robot....a hamster on a wheel. What is it that I am after? Is it success? Money? A desire to lead a life full of material comforts? There seems to be a vacuum and I am not able to comprehend this feeling. Is it a set of self set expectations? A need to prove myself? But to whom? Why am I so hard on myself? I wish I had the courage to abandon this path and start walking on a new path...A path that will lead me closer to what appeals to me, something that fuels the fire in my soul. Everyday I think I must take the first step and then it is fear that stops me. I await the day when I will finally have the courage, to let go and start afresh. 

Feelings

Sat down thinking....a wave of uncertainty....tainted future....unrealistic expectations.....battle with the self....fiery ambition....unbearable envy....shameful...shameful...shameful.

Cuppa Tea

A cuppa tea always helps me relax. The day that i have copious amounts of tea is an indication of me being very stressed (apart from snapping of course!). Today was one such day.

I was thrown in the deep end and had to swim....and swim I did! I pride myself in adapting easily to new environments (haan chal, I am not speaking of the Arctic but managing frosty smiles and sarcasm comes a close second). I have to admit that dealing with people in a friendly manner has been a learnt behaviour. This is the main reason as to why I abhor socialising after work.  It tires me out and this is when I miss my dog the most. I have grown up with pets and not having one now is really hard. It has been more than 5 years now since I left home but that vacuum still remains. Sometimes, when I share this thought out aloud, I hear responses like...Oh well, you should just have a baby. This is infuriating to say the least. To think that this can in fact be some sort of consolation. Never mind.

On a more upbeat note, I do hope to enjoy the weekend. The plan is to sleep, read and...study for my driving theory test. Yes, you heard right! For the record, these tests are very boring especially if like me you have spent all your time in the car fast asleep! I will leave you with that thought..

Professional Rant

Human behaviour has always been of interest to me and being in HR makes me privy to a lot of behaviour which I find extremely amusing these days. There was a time when I used to stress and worry about dealing with people but I find myself to be more of an observer now.

It is amazing the amount of drama people create about minuscule issues and us HR folk are still expected to deal with the drama under the garb of appearing 'reasonable'. So..you worked through your lunch break and demand that you leave one hour early? Tough! Nobody asked you to work through lunch. This is just one of the many crazy examples that I can 'legally' talk about (Hadhh hai yaar!)

I wish sometimes people were able to put things into perspective but sadly, all they think of is themselves. It is a selfish world and there are very few genuine people out there. I have become extremely suspicious when dealing with people and I always think about underlying motives. I guess, life has been a tough teacher but an effective one at that.

*End of rant..Lungi Dance, Lungi Dance*

Perception

I stumbled upon this poem that I had penned down some years ago...It's so relevant whenever I read it so I thought I'd share it with others too!

PERCEPTION

At times you feel so stifled,

Like you’re put into a cage,

You want to break this wave of strain,

You’re seething with venomous rage…

Situations, they will be trying,

It’s up to you how you respond,

Would you perceive still water

As a distressing flood or would

It be a soothing pond?

No one will hurt you,

If you don’t want them to,

The power to choose lies with you,

You can paint on life’s canvas,

A lighter shade,

Or smudge it with a darker hue….

And I'm back (again!)

Wow! It's been almost 4 years since I felt this sense of urgency to write again and thought "why not revive my blog?". I just read a few of my posts from 2010 and the first thing that came to mind is..."so refreshing". I say refreshing because it gave me a glimpse into my life at the time...I guess that is the wonderful thing about blogs, they help you take a short walk down memory lane.

Life has changed! I am no longer struggling to find my feet in a new country, marriage and work...I can say that the learning curve has been quite significant and I feel a sense of accomplishment. However, there is lots more to learn and do! With a new job and challenges, life continues to keep me occupied.

I do hope I motivate myself enough to post more often. Blogging has always been a wonderful medium to let my thoughts be heard through my favourite medium of communication...writing :) 

Of this and that

Wow! Its almost a month since my last post! Is this an indication of routine catching up on me? (eeeks!!). I hope to be more regular now! So let me think about whats new...Well, for starters I celebrated Indian independence day on British soil..saw the Indian flag unfurl...was a surreal experience with a myriad of emotions running through me...Expressing these feelings in words would serve to undermine them...so I'll leave it at that.

Work is getting on good and I am learning lots of things on the job. Sure is great to be busy now! The weather is all rainy now...hoping that the weekend is not overcome with cloud and rain! Looking forward to a 3 day weekend owing to the bank holiday here! I am so sure that trains will be empty tomorrow (people may just call in sick to make it a 4 day weekend! ;))

I recently joined a council library near my house and I am sooooo glad that I did. One can borrow 10 books at a time! haha! Its like a mini heaven for me. A mug of hot chocolate and a nice book....perfect evenings! :)

Thats all at the moment...hope to post again very soon! Until then...have a great weekend!! cheers!