Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Vindictive Ways

This is my entry to the Indiblogger's How would you handle it if your partner’s EX wants him or her back? Soch Lo! Contest (The temptation to win a Blackberry had nothing to do with this post ;) )

Coming to the point...my partner doesn't have an ex (or so he says :P) Ok..ok..I will not be mean right in the beginning. So this post is even more hypothetical as I have to imagine a vindictive and vampish "sautan". Lets call her Vixen ;) Here are some of the things I would do if she wanted him back...

- Text her secretly from my partner's cellphone to see her level of desperation. I need to know the type of Vixen I am dealing with na...Despo, Super Despo or Super Super Despo. Ek baar uski nabz pakad lu, phir dekh loongi!

- Make Vixen do all my laundry, dishes, hoovering and other chores and make her aware that life isn't all rosy and " they lived happily ever after" types!

- Ask to meet Vixen in a crowded place like a mall or coffee shop, slap her in public
and say it was part of Candid Camera (repeatedly point in one direction saying "arre you can't see the camera or what?" this will hopefully make her run away in shock...of both the slap and being slapped by me ;))

- Ask her saamne se and speak confidently "Oye you don't have a life kya? Chal patli gali se nikal"

- Ask my MIL to call Vixen up and rant about "Kyun mere bete ka ghar ujaad rahi ho?" in full saas-bahu soap style!

- Tell Vixen "Madame, the adage of 'better late than never' does NOT apply to this relationship" If she gives me a dirty look, I'll throw her on the ground and say "it applies to this though ;)"

- Update my status on Facebook making Vixen's evil intentions public! The comments should do the trick! (Yes, Vixen will be on my 'friends' list albeit on limited profile...like obviously!)

- Call one of my male friends to line maro on Vixen...make her fall for him etc and then one of my bestest girlfriends will enter the blossoming love story as his ex and get obsessively involved! Fulltoo filmy! Give Vixen a taste of her own medicine! ;)

- Finally....I'll tell her "Kutti...Kamini....main tera khoon ABHI nahi piioongi...kyunki picture toh abhi baaki hai meri saut ;)" This will be followed by all the points of action mentioned above

P.S. My husband is one lucky fella don't you think...such a scheming wife he's got! Soch Lo ;)


magiceye said...

lol! that was a great fun post!

best wishes for the contest!

Shantanu said...

my god.. that was so awesome.

Purba said...

Is vixen running scared yet?

My fave is "Kyun mere bete ka ghar ujaad rahi ho?" in full saas-bahu soap style!

Arjit Srivastava said...

LOL, yes, you have managed to kick the ass of the vixen, already. ;)

Ritu said...

Cant stop laughing. Get your husband to read this so that he is suitably scared and never allows such a thing to happen

Swathi Pradeep said...

Hahahha I second Ritu didi :)
All the best for the contest!
do read my post too:

Pratibha The Talent said...

very different and contain flavour of wittiness.gr8 one.

Sri said...

If you ever decide to go for a change of career then Ekta Kapoor is in for some serious competition .. lol :-).

Well written. Keep blogging.

Pratima Giri said...

India Tour Travel
India Tour Packages
Luxury Holidays
Family Holidays
Nice Blog...